Digressions from Morningwood: The Best Bargain in America

Current mood:

gloomy
Category: Life

For some time I’ve wanted to tell you about the best bargain in America: XM Radio. Since having it installed in the car, I haven’t had to listen to a single moronic car commercial from a single car hawking moron on local radio stations.

XM is chock full of fun stuff. As a stand-up comic once said about internet porn, “there is almost too much of it now. Almost.” There are almost too many channels on XM. I listen in my car. I can listen online when I am working at the computer. Granted many of the channels are stupid, and of course there is the requisite ten or so devoted to Americans who are still Africans, as well as several channels geared to people who work at the Oklahoma City McDonald’s. Those of you who live here know what I’m sayin’. If you speak English, don’t even bother to apply there; they won’t hire you. If you don’t speak Spanish, don’t even try to order. If you want McDonald’s, drive to North Dakota; it is faster.

But I digress. I’ve slept soundly since discovering XM, because I knew that for $12.95 a month, I was getting a tremendous bargain. Frrrl. In my car and on my computer, 150+ channels, for my listening pleasure, including one of my favorites, “The Roadhouse,” which plays true classic country. I’m talking about performers who influenced Loretta Lynn or Porter Wagoner.

Also, there is Fox News. NPR. Opera. Showtunes (Virgil’s favorite). The BBC. Some weird Canadian stations. British gay music. Check out the lineup some time at XM.com. In the car, I love to text on my cell phone, surf XM, and cause wrecks.

I sat down this morning to write about XM, and when I logged on to the service, I was greeted with a message that the XM Party is ending in March. My “party” has been XM all the time. Starting in March, though, I’ll have to pay an extra three bucks to listen online. As a wise friend of mine once said, “I cain’t have nuthin’ nice.” I am not so sure I’ll pay them more to listen at my computer. To be honest, AOL Radio has some channels that are even better than similar offerings on XM, particularly 90’s alternative. There are just a few commercials on AOL, and none are the cheesy local ones. I can take that. AOL Radio is FREE, son. Yahoo! has awesome and free videos, including many one can’t find elsewhere, e.g., my best friend Gavin Rossdale-Stefani doing his version of R.E.M.’s “The One I Love.”

I’m sure all of this is racism. Only white people listen to XM on the computer anyway, and now THE MAN is making us pay more for it. Soon, THE MAN will take everything away from us.

I was one who was happy THE MAN permitted the merger of XM and Sirius. I should have known what was coming. White people are going to be screwed now. I read on the internet that Obama fixed it so black people won’t have to pay for XM at all.

That ain’t right.

XM is the best bargain in America until March.

# # #

Many friends, old and new, as well as a number of strangers, sent cards and emails after I posted the story about Virgil – Thanks. It meant a lot to me. I still miss the little dog. I have about two regular readers of my posts, so the counter I installed at blogspot.com has been slow to increase. I won’t be competing with porn sites any time soon. But right after I posted my dawg stories, there were over 300 hits. That is a lot on the water. I’m flattered. Lots of Dog People out there. Some days do you ever wish that in all the world, there was just you, a pack a dawgs, and a big healthy lortab tree?

I asked Pat B. to nominate me for a Pulitzer, or to get me a job for Rolling Stone, but I guess he forgot.