The Catcher in the Fly

President Reagan ran a fever for several days after the assassination attempt in 1981. His doctors wouldn’t let him take a shower. One night, drenched in sweat, he decided he had to clean up. He went into the bathroom and gave himself a sponge bath. He noticed he’d slopped water all over the floor, and he was afraid the nurse might be blamed for his unauthorized bath. The President of the United States got down on his hands and knees and cleaned up the mess he had made. (Hospitals have people for that)

Last week, there was much press coverage (as there always is of anything President Obama does, pronounces, or emits) of the Fly Assassination that occurred during an interview. Goofy PETA weighed in on how truly precious is the life of the house fly. Buddhists are mad at him, as he might have slain someone who had been reincarnated as a fly, and who was trying to work his way up to wasp in the next life. The Aryan Brotherhood was furious and cried racism because it turned out the fly was actually white. Yes.

I’m impressed Obama was able to kill a fly without a swatter. I never could. Huge mutant flies often come into my house through the pet door. Micky helpfully lounges there, with her head and hands hanging outside, and her rear and hind legs inside the house. No, I don’t know why. Why does she try to trip me when I’m walking up or down the stairs? She is weird.

These big flies seek ME, and hover about ME, and all of my works. This is their job. If I can kill them, I will, because they are annoying. That is MY job. We always called them “dog flies,” because of my beloved dog, Rocky. Fat as he was, Rocky chased those bird-size flies all over the house, and he could actually catch and kill them in his mouth. Try doing that, Mr. President.

Yeah, I thought all the coverage about the fly incident was silly and, as always, much ado about nothing. It was funny when after Obama killed the fly, he flashed a gang sign and declared, “Gotchu, Beeotch. Tupac!” No one had ever uttered such a thing in the Oval Office, but these are different times, and black people are always yelling “Tupac” for some reason. I don’t have to understand everything.

Here’s what impressed me about the Obama vs. Fly story. My Babymama, Maureen Dowd, wrote that after the interview was concluded, the President of the United States took a napkin and cleaned up the mess he’d made when he killed the fly.

Why’d he do that? Why would the President clean up any mess? (They have people on White House Staff for that -- lots)

Here’s hoping that President Obama learned some simple lessons about life from the nice Grandmother who raised him. When you make a mess, clean it up. Think of others. Do the next right thing. President Reagan’s Mother advised him always to “do and say the kindest thing.” He lived by that motto, and he was kind and thoughtful to everyone he encountered.

I think the simple act of cleaning up the fly tells us something about President Obama. He has great power, an Ivy League education, and the amazing ability to read from a teleprompter. He must have an unimaginable ego from all the lemmingesque hero worship, and the animal sacrifices offered every day by his acolytes in secret Obama Temples around the world. (It’s all on the internets)

Maybe somewhere he learned modesty and humility. After eight long years of dumbness and cockiness, we have ourselves a bright President. If he’ll surround himself with smart advisors (not yes men/women), listen to wise counsel, and if he’ll take a little time each day to ask allah for guidance, he might be a good President. With the exception of the “allah” part, that is how President Reagan did it.

©2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.