Oddjob

Chinese President Hu Jintao arrived at the White House on Wednesday, welcomed by choreographed crowds bussed in from Chicago, who enthusiastically waved the flags of the United States, China and Walmart.

Hu sported a nicely tailored steel rimmed bowler hat. In order to amplify his point that the United States now owes the People's Republic of Red Communist China a trillion bucks, Hu flung the bowler hat directly at Obama, and whopped him upside the head. Then, according to reports at the TMZ website, Hu beat Obama with his shoe, like a red headed step child at rival K-Mart.

Later, with obvious bruises and whelps on his face, Obama claimed he "fell."

Hu Jintao

Obama and his minions have unleashed what amounts to diplomatic fellatio for the visiting Chinesemens. It won't help. They want they monies, and they won't take no check, neither.

I'm reminded of the "Family Guy" episode in which Brian borrowed money from Stewie. In order to make Brian repay the debt, Stewie beat him with (among other things) a towel bar, and then set him on fire with a blow torch. China won't be as patient as Stewie.
Obama will be remembered for what is likely the dumbest and most inappropriate gifts ever given to dignitaries. He presented non-working DVDs to the Prime Minister of Great Britain, an ipod or some Apple gadget, to the Queen of England, and Japanese porn (with that annoying masking) to the Pope.

What did the President give to America's Banker, President Hu Jintao? Incredibly, Obama presented him with a gift card good at participating Pei Wei Chinese takeaway, and a deluxe set of Chinese Checkers (Made in China). That's just racist.

At least the President stuck to a Chinese theme. To the state dinner tonight, the Obamas invited Bonanza's "Hop Sing," actor Jackie Chan, and figure skater Michelle Kwan.

Hop Sing

I'm lying about some of that.

Walmart will be remembered for getting us in this debt mess with China, for having destroyed small town America, for forcing on us those awful bi-lingual signs, creating fat people (no offense to myself), and for selling televisions that cost about $9.00.

China will be remembered because it invented Chinese food, paper, silk, a language that most of us can't learn, and for having the ability to lose 400 million people in a war.

Obama should pay the debt to Red Communist China and stop sucking up. They are mean, and they aren't our friends.

We should stop shopping at Walmart -- at least until they open up more of the 56 (probably fake) check-out stands.

Ever notice those buggies loaded with stuff in the aisle by the service desk? Those were abandoned by people who'd shopped for hours and planned to purchase all that crap. Then, seeing the eternal lines at the two open registers, they realized they didn't need all that stuff after all.

It's all Truman's fault if you think about it.

©Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.

Coexist and Let Live

My ghurl Genna posted something on the facebooks the other day. In the wake of the Tucson shootings, it was a plea for us to be more tolerant of those with whom we disagree. I've never been a "Coexist" kind of guy, and tolerance is a tough one because I hate almost everything. I need to work on tolerance, and about everything else.

The Jews and Christians are good, since we invented the Bible and Western Civilization, and I suppose we need males and females. The peace sign is for hippies. They left off the swastika because of racism against the Nazis. The other stuff is weird.

Not really.

Lately, it's as if all the atheists in America have been in my face. Whether it's blasphemous cartoons depicting the Baby Jesus, snarky little facebook posts that demean God or my boy C. S. Lewis, or haters who practically threw used condoms at me because I celebrated the news of the Beatification of Pope John Paul the Great on May 1st. How can someone hate John Paul II? I dunno, but they do, trust me. It's always about condoms with some people.

Most of the atheists I've encountered are angry. They are angry at God, but they don't even believe He exists. They are angry at people who believe in God, but they don't believe in Him. Many of them delight in belittling people and matters of faith. I don't get it.

Check the comments after any article on religion in any major newspaper online. A lot of comments are nasty, mean and disrespectful, and they are from atheists. Why bother to comment on a subject that should be irrelevant to someone who doesn't believe in God? Why'd you read the article in the first place?

Growing up in a small town, I don't recall ever meeting an agnostic -- much less a real atheist. Everyone went to church or was of some faith, or at least pretended. There weren't a lot of restrictions on practicing faith, whether at school or at a football game. Atheists have ruined that. Atheists and lawyers. No offense to myself.

When my very spiritual grandma died in September, I thought of her life and great faith. She prayed me through every challenge, crisis and mess I was ever in. Yes.

How amused she would have been at the notion of someone not believing in God. She'd have been polite, but I can't see her spending a lot of time talking about faith with someone who didn't believe in God. Lightning might strike. Plus, she'd think an atheist was just plain goofy. She didn't hate though.

My Aunt Lois. One of my favorites. In the 70's my cousin was home from serving in the Peace Corps in Iran (those were the happy golden days of the Shah). We were all enthralled with Linda's tales about the culture and people of what would eventually become the despotic Islamic Republic of Iran.

Sidebar: I loved the Shah. Granted, he and SAVAK got carried away sometimes. It happens.

Aunt Lois asked one question, "do they have any Churches of Christ over there?" I loved that. In those days perhaps the Church of Christ was allowed in Iran. It wouldn't be permitted now, though. In the Islamic Republic of Iran they behead and stone people -- not necessarily in that order. They also don't allow competition from other faiths. The culture and food were all fine and good, but my sweet aunt wondered if people in Iran had access to a family of believers who could share the wondrous faith she enjoyed.

I am lucky I was and continue to be influenced by many people with great faith -- FROM many faiths, from Pentecostal to Mormon to Catholic. Real. Strong. Simple. Assured. Earned.

No miracles needed. Just a little experience. A little reliance on God to see if He is there. A few childlike prayers. A great many adultlike prayers. Discovering that God is there. Faith is a gift. We're lucky when we have it. Once we have some measure of faith in God, it is always there, no matter how "prone (we are) to wander or leave the fold of God." See hymn below.

I need God most in time of trouble. When I am afraid, and when I feel helpless. When I don't know what to do, or where to turn. I don't know how this life DVD ends, so it is my nature to fear. It doesn't matter that situations have always worked out for the best -- exactly the way they were supposed to. It doesn't matter that the elves always seem to show up in time.

There is a fat little data tech nerd living in my head. Every night, he deletes the part of my brain that would help me remember that God is big, He loves me, and He has always helped me.

It seems to be God's nature to fix and help -- even when I don't deserve it. Even when I forget to ask Him. Even though He has fixed and helped me about 20 million times. I keep forgetting.

When Lyn got sick I told him that I was mad at God. What a cliche'. I got mad at God because I didn't like the way He was running the universe, or because someone got sick. Lyn advised, "God doesn't need your approval, and He probably doesn't care if you are mad at him."

Lyn reminded me of a verse in the Book of Job, which we both loved: "Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?" He told the oceans when to stop, too. I wasn't around when the morning stars sang together, either. I missed all of that.

It worked out the way it was supposed to, but not the way we wanted. It was during that difficult time (harder for him, as he was the sick one) I discovered my favorite quote from C. S. Lewis:

"I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless; I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God; it changes me."

It changes me.

Dr. Charles Stanley once said he prayed because it helped him get into the Will of God. Might as well, because the Will of God is what's up. God wins.

God loves us, I am convinced, but He doesn't need us. He'll USE us if we want to serve Him. He gave us gifts, and He'll throw us in amongst a pile of people we are uniquely qualified and experienced to help. If we want. If we are willing. If we aren't interested, He'll find someone else. Still, He loves us enough to chase after us quite awhile.

He doesn't need us, or our approval, but I think He likes it when we hang out with Him, and when we help His other children. Things happen, good and bad. God intervenes or not, at times, and we're not given to know why. People are mean. God isn't mean.

It's as if He created us and turned us loose. He made us different so He could see how we'd treat each other. How we'd "coexist." He steps in now and again, but mostly we have free will to shlep about and step in things. It turns out we don't treat each other very well at all.

In the end it all gets fixed and people don't cry any more. That's enough for me, for now. Not that I won't be worried about something tomorrow.

I stopped texting long enough the other day to listen. A man said, "I can't prove to you that God exists, but God has proved His existence to me."

Word.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUhU0HgTq94

Very nice hymn, that one.

©2011 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd. Thanks, MBS. Pour vous.