Digressions from Morningwood: In Monumentum

Lyn Nofziger

In Monumentum - Lyn Nofziger 1924-2006

Three years ago, Lyn Nofziger left us to go work crossword puzzles with Jesus and President Reagan and his daughter, Susie. He didn't want to leave us, but these things sometimes happen when people have cancer. He had a little time, though, albeit with some pain, and he fought hard. He loved life, but he did not fear death. He was a devout Christian. He knew his Redeemer lived.

Last time I saw him, in March of 2006, I looked him in the eye, paused, and said, "I am sorry you are sick.

He laughed and said, "I'm sorry I'm sick too.

He was slipping badly by that time. It was a chore to go to the bathroom. They gave him one of those plastic thingies, into which one can pee when it’s difficult to skip off to the restroom. Lyn knew that at times I could be almost as dumb as rocks. He handed me one of the filled plastic thingies and said, "Bonnie (his wife) is in the kitchen. Would you take this in there and pour it down the kitchen sink?"

"I'd rather try and sell it on Ebay,” I said. It is, after all, Lyn Nofziger pee." The notion that he was some kind of celebrity amused him. Whenever we were out in public, I’d beg him to walk up and down the street until someone recognized us so I could be seen with him. To conservatives, he was a celebrity.

I almost took the plastic receptacle into the kitchen, where Bonnie was gomming around with something.

Almost. He would have had a big laugh at that too.

If you know Bonnie, you'd know her kitchen is spotless and immaculate, and that one most generally does not pour urine down the sink. Thankfully, I realized Lyn was joking, and I took it to the bathroom.

Shortly before be got sick, I wanted to return to Washington and work for the Bush Administration. Lyn gave me the name of a contact and said, "tell him I'm dying, that you are a friend of mine, and to hire you.”

Joking at a time like that. Only Lyn.

I met him in the fall of 1978. I was in Los Angeles to interview for a summer job in Governor Reagan’s office. He must have felt sorry for me with my polyester suit, cheap shoes, clip on tie, and bad haircut. Maybe I reminded him of himself, as he was dressed much the same way. He was no Beau Brummel, and he'd be the first to tell you that. Those who knew him, though, thought he was Cary Grant. He invited me to his home that evening for dinner on the deck, which he built. He love to putter and garden.

He knew what it would mean for me to be invited to his home. He could have easily passed me off with a handshake at his office, but he was far too swell. Lyn Nofziger was political royalty. In 1976, when Reagan almost beat Ford, Lyn was constantly in the papers, magazines and on TV, because he was Press Secretary for the campaign.

I got the summer job in Los Angeles, and over the years, I bugged him with fan mail, phone calls, and I worked for him as an aide. When I lived in Virginia, and when I didn't make much money, he’d hire me to rake leaves or wash windows. When he and Bonnie traveled they paid me to housesit. He knew I could use the extra money. He helped lots of folks.

When my Mother visited, he insisted on taking us to eat, every time. Once, at an expensive Chinese restaurant called Mr. K’s (which ain’t cheap), he told the waiter to bring us some of every dish on the menu. My Mom had never been to a Chinese restaurant. That was special.

I grew to love and admire Lyn even more because I had the joy of getting to know him as a friend. A real person. Someone with whom I could talk politics, baseball, current events or gardening. The one subject Corporal Nofziger would not discuss was the War, which told me his experience wasn’t as a librarian at Fort Dix. He knew something about D-Day.

Our favorite pastime was the crossword puzzle. When I visited, he let ME have first crack at it. Back home, if I was stumped with a puzzle, I'd fax it to him so he could fix it. He’d share with me that I'd "effed it all up." He used a pen, and he laughed at ME for using a pencil. True crossword aficionados use an ink pen. Good for them. I don't.

It was funny when he ribbed me. I ribbed him too, and once in awhile I got off a good one at his expense, like the time he used bad grammar on CNN. That happened ONE TIME that I know of with Lyn Nofziger. He said "the media is" instead of "the media are." Well big deal. Who knows that anyway? He taught me more about writing and grammar than a thousand teachers could have. He loved to call me when my beloved Oklahoma Sooners lost. He told me I was a jinx. I loved to call him when his beloved Red Sox lost. How he loved Ted Williams. I bought him an autographed photo of Williams once, and Lyn claimed it was a fake. He knew better.

Once I sent him a shirt for Father's Day. Later, I asked him about it. He told me it didn't fit and that he hated it. Next time I flew out to Washington, he picked me up at the airport. He was wearing the shirt, and it fit just fine. Bonnie told me it was his favorite shirt, and that he wore it all the time.

I sent him some old fashioned candy from the Vermont Country Store. He told me he threw it out. "Bonnie and I hate candy, and it made Bonnie sick," he said. I found out that was a fib too. He'd wolfed it down because he loved sweets. Once he ate up all my Atomic Fire Balls.

He loved to give you a hard time, but only if he knew YOU knew he was joking.

Lyn, Bonnie and me on Lyn's 70th Birthday, 1994

Oh yeah, I give him credit for winning the Cold War.

In 1976, after Reagan's narrow loss to Ford, Lyn advised the Reagans there was about a million bucks left over. They could pocket the money, give it away, or do anything they wanted with it; it was their money.

Lyn suggested starting a poltical action committee, the purpose of which would be to help elect conservative Republicans. Reagan thought this was a splendid idea, and he asked Lyn to chair the committee. Lyn accepted.

The PAC was called "Citizens for the Republic,” and it supported conservative candidates and causes all over the country. More importantly, CFTR was a vehicle through which Reagan could keep his name before his supporters and the public. With CFTR, Lyn Nofziger held together the 1976 Citizens for Reagan campaign.

In time, Reagan for President, the official campaign organization, was born, but CFTR continued its very important work. Lyn eventually joined the senior staff at Reagan for President. In November, 1980, Reagan won a landslide victory over Jimmy Carter, America was saved, Carter became a harmless bore, and the rest is history.

President Reagan's leadership and policies led to the dissolution of the "Evil Empire." His Presidency led to a restoration of faith that America truly was a special place, set between the oceans, to serve as a beacon of hope, and an example for others. If that sounds a mite cheesy, it is because I have borrowed some of the phrases from other cheesy people, like President Reagan.

Lyn and the President in the Oval Office, c. 1982

Sometimes "cheesy" is good and true, though, and Reagan knew this. So did Lyn.

So, to sum up, Lyn ran CFTR, which led to Reagan for President. Reagan for President got Reagan elected, and this led to the end of the Cold War. Ergo, Lyn Nofziger ended the Cold War.

I miss Lyn every day of every week. I miss his emails, his awful puns, and his laughter at his own bad jokes. I miss his love and affection. I cherish the cardigan sweater he gave me. I miss calling him for advice on shaving. I miss him calling me when I had a super early flight, so I wouldn't oversleep. I miss him picking me up at the airport, and then bitching about the parking garage (English never spoken here) and the traffic on the way home. I always offered to take a cab, but he insisted on picking me up. I miss going with him to "Hard Times Cafe" for chili. I miss going to the mall on the day after Thanksgiving so we could complain about the crowds. I miss watching football games with him. I wish I could see him just one more time in an undershirt. Marlon Brando in a t-shirt, he was not.

I just miss him.