In Which I Helped Topple the Soviet Union

Note: Click on the photos for an enhanced blog experience.

In 1984, I worked in the Chairman's Office at Reagan-Bush '84, which was located near the Capitol Building and another famous landmark, the Headquarters of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters.

The campaign manager, Ed Rollins, was connected to many of the more reasonable leaders in the labor movement. America still manufactured things in those days, so unions had more influence than they do today. The campaign had a significant and ultimately successful outreach program to union members. President Reagan was endorsed by a several national unions, and he was proud of the votes he received.

The Teamsters Union was rumored to have mob ties. This went all the way back to 1974, when we learned Hyman Roth put together this big deal -- it would be bigger than U.S. Steel. It involved Cuba, the Corleone Family, the Lakeville Road Boys, the Teamsters, Senator Pat Geary (RIP, G.D. Spradlin), and Boo Radley. The deal fell apart, though, and Rocco Lampone shot Mr. Roth to death in an airport terminal in Miami. Mr. Roth had flown home to vote in the Presidential election because they wouldn't give him an absentee ballot.

But I digress.

One day at the campaign office, all the errand guys were out running errands. Vital and indefensible as I was to President Reagan's re-election, and to ending the Cold War, Ed and Lyn Nofziger made ME deliver a package to someone at Teamster Headquarters. I was fitted with a bullet proof vest, a gangster fedora and a book of familiar Italian phrases.

Everyone kidded me that Ed and Lyn had set it all up so I'd be rubbed out.

In the end, I didn't see nuthin'. I didn't even get to take the solid gold elevator to the solid gold upper floors, where all the mafia guys and Howard Hughes were hanging out in wife beater shirts, making spaghetti, and not forgetting the cannoli. I was only allowed to drop it off at the front desk. All I know is the package contained $100 million in cash.

But I digress.

Twenty seven years ago, the Teamsters Union was strong, proud, and effective. If the union had Mafia ties, who cared. The Brotherhood of Teamsters was always more interesting than the other unions anyway, and they got more done for the members. How? The Mob. By the way, the F.B.I. and Rudolph Guiliani ruined the Mafia. How? They used listening devices, and that's cheating.

I'm a lifelong fan and member of both the Mafia and the Teamsters Union. It was sad on Labor Day to see James Hoffa resort to a screeching, Hitler-like rant about the Tea Party Movement. Goodwin's Law . I don't like to hear bad words because it makes me cry. Hoffa said bad words about people who should be entitled to express opinions, support candidates, and vote as they please. I suspect there are thousands of Teamsters who support the Tea Party Movement, which basically urges the federal government to stop doing stupid things. Yet Hoffa urged union members to take them out. Plus, he sounded drunk. No offense to myself and a bunch of people.

Somewhere, in Michigan perhaps, legendary union leader Jimmy Hoffa is turning in his grave, which is rumored to be a concrete block. Why? Because his son, James Hoffa, dyed his hair a dreadful ginger/orange hue, and because he was sucking up to a flukish goof like President Obama.

That pusillanimous, simpering, popinjay, Barack Obama, who can barely finish a sentence without his teleprompter. This is the same god-king who thought there were 57 states. He believed there was an Austrian language, which he learned to speak in just 5 minutes. Most embarrassingly, he mispronounced "corpsman" (hint: it's not corpseman) about 10 times in one of his canned speeches (that usually cause the stock market to fall about 200 points). No offense to the President, either. He got Bin Laden. Allegedly.

Sometimes I feel about as smart as Fredo Corleone, but I knew there were 50 states, that Austrians speak German, and that corpsman is pronounced coreman.

Plus, Obama's ears are getting bigger. He looks like Darren Stevens did when Endora cast a big ear spell on him.

So there you have it. I delivered all that cash to the Teamsters, who gave it to "Big" Paul Castellano of the Gambino Family, who gave it to a Ukrainian "button man," who took out Soviet strongman Konstantin Chernenko, who was replaced by Mikhail Gorbachev, who canceled the Soviet Union. Don't ask for details.

That is the true story of how Ed Rollins, Lyn Nofziger, and Randall P. Hodge helped end the Cold War. President Reagan, Pope John Paul II, and Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher also helped.

©2011 by Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood-DRK Enterprises – Prestige Worldwide

Even Canadians Couldn't Ruin "Knowing."

I seldom go to the movies because the film is rarely worth the price of admission. Too many people have poor manners when someone lets them out of their cages.

"White Gravy" treated me to a recent release, "Knowing," which stars Nicolas Cage (ugh), who normally ruins movies. I didn't recognize anyone else, other than a chick who was in "28 Days Later," which I don't even remember now. There were a couple of kids, some trees, a few spectacular special effects, and a group of creepy guys who looked like they escaped from "Boo Radley Land." My popcorn cost $9.00.

I agreed to see this one (as it was free) because fat Roger Ebert gave it a fat endorsement. When Ebert says it is good, it is almost always good. He and I have similar tastes in film and, apparently, food and non-working weight reduction techniques.

I don't know enough about movies to review them. I know a good movie when I see it. Kind of like the old Supreme Court standard for porn. "I know it when I see it, "said Justice (Harry) Potter Stewart. I'm sure he did. The Supreme Court never turns down porn cases, son.

"Knowing" was a great movie -- the best one I've seen since Jesus' favorite, "The Lord of the Rings."

Please don't get me started on the Canadians who sat both in front and behind me. They really do talk (loudly) all the way through movies in theatres. This is not a stereotype.

We should invade them like Poland.


I thought "Knowing" would be like a Hugh Grant flick, or maybe a Jane Austen adaptation, but no. Canadians don't usually tap those kinds of films, so to speak. Alas, the theater was crawling with them. I started to complain to the 12-year old manager of the theater, but I know from past experiences what the answer will be, "I'm sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do about Canadians. They are a peculiar species. They do what they want."

Go see "Knowing." Take a knife and stab some people if they talk loudly Or, spill a $45 jumbo-rama size cup of soda all over them. Just tell them, "Oh Snap! My bad, dawg," and all will be well.

I was not aware of this peculiar event that occurred recently. President Obama agreed to speak at Georgetown University, the nation's top Catholic school. It is run by the Jesuits, the Order that supplied the noble priest who almost succeeded in exorcising the demon right out of poor Linda Blair in "The Exorcist."

But I digress.

Get this. The White House insisted that Georgetown "cover up all religious symbols and signs while the president was on stage."

"WTF," as they say on 4Chan.

I didn't believe this when I first read it, but it is true. Check out this story.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/04/16/georgetown-university-hid-religious-symbols-white-house-request/

No crosses, religious symbols, Communion items and whatnot were permitted while "Damian" Obama was in the building. My theory is the President is a muslim vampire who cannot abide the sight of a crucifix or anything that would remind him of the Baby Jesus, which would also include this symbol:

These letters represent the Name of Jesus in Greek.

Something isn't quite right about Obama, and I suspect more will be revealed. In the meantime, we can all watch "Hal Lindsey" for comfort and reassurance that all is ending as he predicted in "The Late Great Planet Earth."

Jus' sayin'. Never hatin'.

Except for talkative Canadians in movie theaters.

(c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.