The Whigger

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Whigger
Current mood: aggravated
Category: News and Politics















Father Michael Fleger and muslim anti-semitic friend, Louis Farrakhan

The other day on the radio, I heard an excerpt of Father Michael Fleger's fiery rant to Senator Obama's Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago. I assumed Fleger was black, as he has trained his voice to sound like a black Pentecostal preacher from about sixty years ago – if you could throw in some Ernest Angley. I suspect he spends a lot of time with my man, famous whigger, Kevin Federline, or with true rap stars, basketball players, or others who have so come to dominate our pop culture. And the Chinese-made junk sold by Mal-Wart.

Father Fleger apes the mannerisms, walk, vocal inflections, and a good bit of the lingo (with the exception of the expletives) we've come to expect from certain folks. I half expected him to go off on bitches and HOs. Maybe he does that offstage, or at fundraisers in San Francisco. I'd never even heard of this nut, but he is well known and much beloved in certain circles, circles of jerks, so to speak, who advocate, among other things, retroactive slavery and abortions for European Americans. They also want SOMEBODY to cough up about $100 trillion in "reparations" for alleged enslavement that may or may not have occurred at some time in the Old South. I don't know; I wasn't there. But if Obama gets himself elected, wanna bet we all get 40 acres and a mule – and have to cough up reparations? Thanks to the dumb President Bush, the democrats are going to have super majorities in both the Senate and the House.

This is what Father Fleger hinted in his speech. He dissed anyone anywhere who has anything of value, as it likely came from somebody somewhere who was at one time or another mean to black people. If you don't believe me, check out this bit of his tirade on everyone's source for video, YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H11x6bMu4Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfWnY5PC0CQ&feature=related

It is my pleasure to report two developments. One, Obama has finally resigned from that "church" with which he has been closely allied for over twenty years. He did this because that goofy church invited that awful Fleger to speak in the first place. Is it Obama's fault? Oh hell yeah. Why not blame him. Anything to keep him from getting elected and destroying our country. But he knew exactly what that church was all about.

Two, a big group of white people got together at some compound in Northern Idaho. They took a vote, and they have kicked Michael Fleger out of the white people. Apparently, according to my sources who were at the conclave, the group decided that Father Fleger took the whigger thing to a HO NUTHA LEVEL, and there was no other option. He has been stripped of his whiteness.

Fleger is trying to get into the Hispanics, because the blacks won't take him. The Catholics don't want him. The Asians also turned him down. He's Fredo now; throw him into Lake Tahoe.

I've been watching to democrat rules committee all day. The group is in session, and they are pretending they aren't about to screw Hillary Clinton and the voters of Michigan and Florida out of their votes and their properly elected delegates to the national convention. How is this happening? Obama has put another one of his voodoo spells on them.

I don't think I have ever seen a more unattractive group of people jammed into one room in my life. Can they not let some purdy people into that party? I don't mean that to sound superficial and shallow, of course. I'm just sayin'.

RPH, Esq., N.V.

©Randall P. Hodge, Esq., N.V., and Morningwood Enterprises, LLC

Rohan on Crack

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Rohan on Crack Current mood: content Category: Life In which I wake up in another part of North Dakota. We are lodging in a nice hotel in the small town of Beulah. This place is also predominantly taupe in color – so much so that anything green ends up in a museum. Beulah has a population of about 3,500. From what we've seen, most businesses close at around 4:00. There is some sort of discount store, called "Pamida" (sounds like a horrible name a Mormon or Catholic family gave their 16th baby girl). Pamida isn't a horrible store, and I'm glad it is within walking distance of the hotel, but it is a store than can only aspire to be as great as a K-Mart. Target it will never be. However, and I noted this immediately – Pamida doesn't force its customers to speak and read Spanish, like that awful Mal-Wart. Pamida's restroom didn't smell like Mal-Wart's, and we all know that THOSE restrooms smell like toilets in a nekked bar in Juarez. Juarez, which is a border city that will soon be the world headquarters of Mal-Wart because Bentonville is getting too expensive for the cheap bahsturds at W-M. But I digress. We are working out of a small courthouse in Stanton, in Mercer County. There is evidently a close connection between this area and Indian guide, Sacajawea. I've noted for the record that North Dakotans misspell her name, "Sakakawea." She was a guide and translator for Lewis and Clark, and she also invented the $1 gold coin, which flopped almost as badly as the Susan B. Anthony quarter in 1979. Yes, I know it was a $1 coin, but it was the size of a quarter and Ms. Anthony looked like Abraham Lincoln in drag. Americans don't do dollar coins, and we aren't giving up our pennies, either. Obama wants to "study" the latter issue. Obama wants to do a great many silly things. This part of North Dakota, while only around 75 miles north of Dickinson (where there is an Arby's and a Burger King), looks surprisingly different – aside from the missing Arby's and Burger King. It isn't as flat, but there is more of a rugged beauty to the landscape. That sounds brochure-cheesy, but I can't think of another way to put it. It's pretty, but it shouldn't be. When I look out the large bay window of my hotel room, there is a splendid view of the rolling hills to the west. There is a sign off in the distance that reads, "ruggedly beautiful." Well, not really, but it'd make sense. I need to see more of the place. There is a bunch of historical stuff around here. We were mean to the Indians and whatnot. The hotel is nice, fairly new, and comfortable, but most rooms lack the requisite fridge and microwave, to which we were spoiled at the hotel in Dickinson. Tragically, we don't have our "Good Times Soup Parties" in the afternoon, because this hotel does not believe in soup, or something. Probably a Mennonite thing. All I know is we don't get soup after work. I hit the clerk up about it today, and she looked at me like I was some kind of a nut who couldn't spell Sakakawea. Change is change, and I rarely adapt to or overcome it. We've had a couple of good meals, but I am still amazed at the propensity of North Dakotans to bathe everything in gravy. Most restaurants have good old fat white people food on the menu. Lots of chicken fried chicken (with gravy), roast beast of some kind (with gravy), steak (with gravy), and shrimp (with gravy). French fries are considered a salad. Tonight, Susan, who is one of my new best friends and helped me find some stuff in the courthouse for David Kelly, ordered a Mexican plate, and it included tater tots. Tater tots and enchiladas. I'm not kidding. David Kelly and I had our trademark French dip, which…was not as good as Arby's French dip, so that isn't much of a compliment. People, toast the bread, or at least don't serve it already soggy. Let me au jus it, if you don't mind. Mine was served with two sides, potato chips and French fries. And a fake pickle. There are many reasons why I am now so grotesquely fat that even my mal-wart sweat pants are tight. It's not because running and walking are verboten. We don't get RFD-TV, or "Imus in the Morning" at this hotel, which tells me one thing: hideous Cox Communications must own the local provider. Cox hates Imus, almost as much as Cox hates its customers, and since the subscribers want RFD-TV so they can watch Imus, Cocks won't offer it. Oh, they would if they could figure a way to call it a "premium" channel and charge us for it. Or, if RFD was a Spanish speaking channel, or if they sold weiner pills on there, Cox would offer it in HD, simulcast in Tagalog. I hate Cox Cable, and I look forward to the day Direct-TV and Dish satellite dishes are tackily attached to every home in America, and cocky Cox has gone the way of the Beta video player. In the interim, Cox can shove its spokescartoon up its arse. You know what I'm sayin'. That felt good. No newspapers to speak of up here, but even the lowliest sales circular contains more news and useful information than Oklahoma's statewide newspaper – the only publication in all the world that isn't worth 50 cents. That isn't much of a compliment either. I do what I always do: I read the New York Times and the Washington Post online. Unlike the Oklahoman, those papers don't charge me if I want to read an article published a few months ago. Whoever told the publishers of the Oklahoman that people would actually pay to read archived material wuz a-lyin'. Cox must own it now. And that felt good. I'm thinking mean things about Obama, but I'm not going to go off on him tonight, or even comment on something Rep. Pat Schroeder said the other day about the sexism and racism of the campaign. She said at Clinton rallies there'd been such witty signs as, "Iron my Shirt." Raw, nekked sexism. She noted the media would be positively apoplectic if someone held a sign with this request for Obama: "Shine my Shoes." Raw, nekked racism. I suppose that is racist in some states, but anyone who says anything that isn't positively worshipful about Obama is now, and forever shall be, a racist. Senator McCain unfavorably commented on Obama's secret plan to award Obama bin Laden the Presidential Medal of Freedom if he'll please stop murdering folks. Why there were paroxysms of weeping, wailing, whining and gnashing of teeth out of the Obama campaign. Political posturing and racism, to be sure. And so, from North Dakota, which looks a lot like I suppose Rohan might look on crack, I am, RPH, Esq., N.V. ©Randall P. Hodge, Esquire, and Morningwood Enterprises, LLC

West Virginia Loves Hillary

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The democrats are close to nominating Barack Madrasah Obama. He is the candidate favored by the terrorist organization, hamas. Same one with TWO radical islamist daddies. The same candidate who scares large and crucial blocs of voters the democrats will need to win in November. The genius who can't seem to carry a big state.

But the beautiful people are backing him with big money and glamorous endorsements. These are the Hollywood, Alec Baldwin/Barbra Streisand, facelift-havin' types who think the rest of us are backward, bitter, unsophisticated and dumb. Obama's support also comes from most of the media, and the political pundits -- and about 158% of the black vote. Don't ask me how. It is now considered racist to question anything whatsoever about the coming Brave New World of Obama.

Obama is the most liberal member of the United States Senate. That is saying a lot. When the full record of his very limited government service and experience is presented (assuming the media will do this), the average American voter will not take a chance on this radical. He would be the most liberal man ever nominated by a major political party in the United States (and McGovern was a doozy).

I admire Geraldine Ferraro for telling the truth about Obama. She said Obama achieved all of his success because he is sort of black. Under pressure, she had to resign from the Clinton campaign. Barack has served a little over three years in the United States Senate. He is dangerously naiive with regard to foreign affairs, e.g., his wish to meet with that nut who held our people hostage in 1979-81, and who now runs an extinct nation called iran.

I could go on and on about Obama, and I do, practically every time I post anything. It is because I stand all amazed that he may win, all because of a free ride from the press, Hillary's badly run campaign, and certain blocs of voters who vote en masse for him.

What has he done? He can at times give an effete, prancy, fluffy, poofy, ethereal and snooty (redundancy intended) speech that is dripping with "hopeitude." Most of us could too, if a pointy headed ivy league kid wrote it, and we spent hours practicing pissy vocal inflections in the mirror like Obama does. Oh, and if we were black, and virtually every member of the press had a man (or woman) crush on us.

My point is this. Obama hasn't done crap in his life to deserve even a fraction of the adulation that has been heaped upon him. We, the "American People in Our Righteous Might," are dangerously close to getting stuck with this dangerously radical man. It is possible for a president to really eff up the country. Jimmy Carter came close, in both foreign and domestic affairs. Ronald Reagan cleaned it up. George W. Bush has been even worse than Carter. Obama lacks the experience and ability to grasp the problems we now face -- much less the skill and political savvy needed to tackle them.

Tonight in West Virginia, Senator Hillary Clinton beat the dogsh*t out of Obama. She beat him like a four year old in K-Mart. She slapped the taste out of his mouth. She tore him a new one. She got more votes, that's what she did. In a state democrats will almost surely have to win in November, Hillary Clinton beat the junior muslim senator from Illinois 67% - 26%. That's 41 points, son. That's like a Reagan vs. Mondale margin in Idaho in 1984.

Tonight, Senator Clinton gave the best speech I've heard in a long time. She has racked up huge wins in huge states. She has attracted the votes of working people who aren't the least bit impressed by Obama and his wine sipping set in New York and San Francisco. The Latinos love her. Many Republicans admire her because she keeps fighting the good fight. Conservatives who can't stand McCain are pulling for her because she is, at least, smart, and she isn't a radical muslim who is backed by hamas.

Why is she behind? Senator Clinton is behind because her campaign made some mistakes early on, and Obama's people had the sense to take advantage of it. That and he's the anti-christ and he gets his orders from satan. Other than that he's probably all right.

I still believe somehow Mrs. Clinton will pull it off. Democrats will come to their senses and nominate her. She could and probably would beat McCain. Obama cannot and will not beat McCain. A black man can be elected in this country, but not a Che Guevara-lovin' radical like Obama.

I don't know HOW she will pull it off, but I think she will. Hope so anyway. I'm glad I saw her give the best speech of her career. It was good for her supporters.

I couldn't help but remember 1976 when Republicans almost nominated Ronald Reagan -- who would have spared us the disastrous Carter years. But they opted for Ford, even though they knew he'd lose.

I have a hunch most democrats deep down know that Obama will lose to McCain, but they are so taken by his phony charm, they're probably going to nominate him anyway. Sometimes democrats feel compelled to do the next stupid thing.

Why? Because Obama has slapped a voodoo spell on them, that's why.

RPH, Esq., P.L.W.

© 2008 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, LLC

Obama's Funk Soul Bruthah

An update on the media coverage of the wacky, wordy, and thoroughly un-American Jeremiah Wright, Senator Obama's longtime pastor and spiritual mentor.

I read an interesting article about Rev. Wright's replacement, Rev. Otis Moss. Based on what this guy has said in the pulpit, he is as bad or worse than Wright. Moss is known as the "hip hop preacher," and he is perhaps the only minister who conducts his services with the aid of a large boombox. He also believes the late rapper, Tupac Shakur, was a prophet.

I'm just sayin'.

Thug Life, folks. Spray paint, gang tattoos, and bling-bling. Best get used to it. This is happening in OUR lifetime.

http://www.newsmax.com/insidecover/Replacement_Obama_Pastor_/2008/05/07/94285.html?s=al&promo_code=4A90-1




"I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see.
When I kill all the whiteys I see, then whitey he won't bother me,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see."
-- Garrett Morris, from an old SNL sketch in the 70's

RPH, Esq., N.V.

©2008 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, LLC

Sell Phones

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Sell Phones Current mood: contemplative Category: Life My Nokia cell phone, which Billy Rodgers, gave me, has been despondent and suicidal over my move up to North Dakota. It jumped out of my pocket into a glass of water, right after Fox News called North Carolina for that awful date-rapin' Mao Tse Tung-lovin' Obama -- three seconds after the polls closed. So it's tore up. Not sure what's up. No one up here has anything to do with ATT, and all the clerks stood there and laughed at David Kelly and me when we asked for help. I ordered another from ATT, and maybe I'll have it by the weekend. I'm excited about getting it, as it has a fax machine, a printer, and a microwave oven. I will be able to text and text and text now. The new phone will allow me to compose, type and send as many as 20 text messages at the same time. Best of all, the phone is about the size of half a credit card, but isn't nearly as thick. You can reach me through MySpace for high school girls, or through my Gmail account. I am adjusting to life in a different state. I have not learned how to tell the difference between the men and women who live here. Everything is brown – taupe, actually. This area is almost a desert. The air is dry and dusty, and I'm already catching some stupid respiratory funk. Dry air is no doubt the culprit. Or Canadians. We are perilously close to the Canadian border, and it's no tellin' what they're cooking over there. David Kelly has it as well, but he is allergic to water, air and sunshine, so who can say. I was not kidding in an earlier post when I suggested North Dakotans put gravy all over everything, including fresh fruit. The other day someone with us ordered biscuits with sausage gravy, a lite choice to be sure, but the chef at Perkin's decided to slap some cheese on top of the gravy. So much for diets. We saw "Ironman" the other day, and it only cost $4.00 at the matinee. I felt like we were in Hooterville, as that is cheap. Food is not cheap, but the movie was. "Ironman" was a good movie, and it is amazing to watch a (presumably) sober Robert Downey, Jr. I presume he is sober because he usually gets into trouble when he uses, and he can't make movies. Some people get caught every time. If you see this film, there is another scene at the end of the credits. It takes awhile to sit through, but I suppose it is worth it. I am still learning my new job. It isn't difficult, but I'm old and give out. It takes me about 20 times longer than normal people to grasp a new concept. I also don't like to work in the first place. But it is interesting, and the other guys are nice about helping me. As is my custom, I stand around and look stupid, and people rescue me. It's a design for living that really works. All the best from Lawrence Welk and me, RPH, Esq., N.V. ©2008 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, LLC