Even Canadians Couldn't Ruin "Knowing."

I seldom go to the movies because the film is rarely worth the price of admission. Too many people have poor manners when someone lets them out of their cages.

"White Gravy" treated me to a recent release, "Knowing," which stars Nicolas Cage (ugh), who normally ruins movies. I didn't recognize anyone else, other than a chick who was in "28 Days Later," which I don't even remember now. There were a couple of kids, some trees, a few spectacular special effects, and a group of creepy guys who looked like they escaped from "Boo Radley Land." My popcorn cost $9.00.

I agreed to see this one (as it was free) because fat Roger Ebert gave it a fat endorsement. When Ebert says it is good, it is almost always good. He and I have similar tastes in film and, apparently, food and non-working weight reduction techniques.

I don't know enough about movies to review them. I know a good movie when I see it. Kind of like the old Supreme Court standard for porn. "I know it when I see it, "said Justice (Harry) Potter Stewart. I'm sure he did. The Supreme Court never turns down porn cases, son.

"Knowing" was a great movie -- the best one I've seen since Jesus' favorite, "The Lord of the Rings."

Please don't get me started on the Canadians who sat both in front and behind me. They really do talk (loudly) all the way through movies in theatres. This is not a stereotype.

We should invade them like Poland.


I thought "Knowing" would be like a Hugh Grant flick, or maybe a Jane Austen adaptation, but no. Canadians don't usually tap those kinds of films, so to speak. Alas, the theater was crawling with them. I started to complain to the 12-year old manager of the theater, but I know from past experiences what the answer will be, "I'm sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do about Canadians. They are a peculiar species. They do what they want."

Go see "Knowing." Take a knife and stab some people if they talk loudly Or, spill a $45 jumbo-rama size cup of soda all over them. Just tell them, "Oh Snap! My bad, dawg," and all will be well.

I was not aware of this peculiar event that occurred recently. President Obama agreed to speak at Georgetown University, the nation's top Catholic school. It is run by the Jesuits, the Order that supplied the noble priest who almost succeeded in exorcising the demon right out of poor Linda Blair in "The Exorcist."

But I digress.

Get this. The White House insisted that Georgetown "cover up all religious symbols and signs while the president was on stage."

"WTF," as they say on 4Chan.

I didn't believe this when I first read it, but it is true. Check out this story.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/first100days/2009/04/16/georgetown-university-hid-religious-symbols-white-house-request/

No crosses, religious symbols, Communion items and whatnot were permitted while "Damian" Obama was in the building. My theory is the President is a muslim vampire who cannot abide the sight of a crucifix or anything that would remind him of the Baby Jesus, which would also include this symbol:

These letters represent the Name of Jesus in Greek.

Something isn't quite right about Obama, and I suspect more will be revealed. In the meantime, we can all watch "Hal Lindsey" for comfort and reassurance that all is ending as he predicted in "The Late Great Planet Earth."

Jus' sayin'. Never hatin'.

Except for talkative Canadians in movie theaters.

(c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.

Susan Boyle, My Babymama

Seth Myers, of "Saturday Night Live" fame put it best when he recently stated on "Weekend Update," that President George W. Bush "broke the world" during his Presidency. I agree. Bush broke it into a million tiny pieces. He wrecked it in almost every way the world CAN be wrecked. President Obama, who is shaping up to be a Chocolate Jimmy Carter, has tried to sweep up the pieces and gom them back together. He is making things worse, though.

For example, I wonder what possessed President Obama to give mindlessly idiotic gifts to Queen Elizabeth II and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown?

He gave Her Majesty the Queen a ghetto blaster and some Chaka Khan CD's. I don't get it, and I cannot envision her shucking and jiving about the palace with a boom box resting her 82-year old shoulder.

I'm jus' sayin'.

Obama gave (or most likely re-gifted) Prime Minister Gordon Brown a set of DVD's that won't even play on the PAL players used in the UK. Even if they'd play over there, what made the President think Brown or anyone in England would ever want to watch "Blacula," "Shaft," and "Good Times?"

There is more.

Barack Obama bowed down before a muslim emir. No American President has ever done such a thing.

In Turkey, a greasy muslim country famous for its picturesque prisons, the President declared the United States is no longer a Christian nation. I mean that in a nice way.

People I told you this was going to happen.

I fear the worst is still to come.

Look for the President to offer those wretched somalians one of our aircraft carriers if they'll please be nice and let our ships pass unmolested. He will give nukes to North Korea and Iran if they'll please be nice and not blow up Japan or Israel.

Chocolate Jimmy Carter, son.

And...

At present, no one is employed in America. Ninety-eight percent of all homes are in foreclosure -- even those without mortgages. Kal Penn, of "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" fame, is now a senior member of White House Staff. Frrrl. I lie a lot about a great many things, but that is the troof.

The Mexicans have seized California, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, and Texas. The Canadians briefly invaded Minnesota, but they got tired and went home.

The whole world is broken. People are poor, sad, afraid, hungry, nekkid, lonely, tired, fat, wet, Wal-Mart lookin', and seething with anger at somebody.

Sauron has risen in the east.

"King of the Hill" has been cancelled by Fox.

In the midst of all this, along comes Susan Boyle, who has captured the imagination of white people everywhere. I don't mean that racist. Miss Boyle is a frumpy, but delightfully charming 47-year old spinster from Scotland. (She looks a lot like me if I were taller and in drag). She appeared on a television program, "Britain's got Talent," and belted out a showtune from Les Miserables, "I Dreamed a Dream."

YouTube, Facebook, that awful Myspace, and many other websites are packed with postings and embeds of the video. Literally tens of millions of people have watched it. It's so grotesquely sappy and cheesy, it is almost sickening, but it's still quite something to witness the courage of this lady. She has an amazing and incredible voice. She also has an amazing and incredible future, and good for her.

So take a look at this video. Neither Bush, Obama, nor even the putrid untermenchen somalians could screw this up for us. Tomorrow, some fat moron will probably shoot up some folks, but today everyone was smiling about and pulling for my girl Susan Boyle.

Today, we Americans decided to take a short break from Obamadammerung.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4

Note: if this link doesn't work, it simply means someone has disabled it because they are racist and a terrorist. It is worth a google search to find it posted at some other site.

R.I.P., Bonnie

(c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.

Why I Hate KFOR Channel 4

Incredibly, on April 9, 2009, KFOR, the local NBC affiliate, preempted BOTH episodes of NBC's popular program, "The Office," so its dreadful local news stars could spend the entire evening over-reporting the story about the alleged fires in Midwest City. Upon reflection, I'm not so sure KFOR didn't make up the whole thing. I know I didn't see any fires. Never mind I never go outside the house, but these things happen.

In honor of Jesus (I guess), NBC aired TWO new episodes in one night. Fans of the beloved and iconic television show were understandably irritated with the preemption. In protest, over 250,000 people gathered for a candlelight vigil outside the hideous worldwide headquarters of KFOR. Outraged former viewers threw paper clips, staples, urine balloons, and put up witty and obscenity-laced Post-it Notes© (all of which quickly blew away).

More importantly, they pledged additional peaceful and madcap gestures designed to remind people that KFOR is patently moronic, just plain goofy and, sadly, probably hates Jesus. These will include a hunger strike, vows by some to call in phony tornado sightings, and a boycott of the number four (4). Attempts to create and burn in effigy the rotund anchorman, Kevin Ogle, were unsuccessful, due to a shortage of stuffing.


Jus' sayin'.

It isn't the end of the world, though; I eventually watched both episodes (really GREAT ones, by the way) at www.nbc.com. I had to suffer through a few Toyota commercials, but I'll live.

KFOR is worse than Hitler.


(c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq. and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.