Oklahoma State University, BA; University of Oklahoma School of Law, JD; Attorney, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, 1990 - present. Reagan White House Aide, 1982-1987; Reagan National Campaign Staff, 1979-80 & 1984. Oklahoma Delegation, Republican National Convention, 1980.
President Reagan ran a fever for several days after the assassination attempt in 1981.His doctors wouldn’t let him take a shower.One night, drenched in sweat, he decided he had to clean up. He went into the bathroom and gave himself a sponge bath.He noticed he’d slopped water all over the floor, and he was afraid the nurse might be blamed for his unauthorized bath.The President of the United States got down on his hands and knees and cleaned up the mess he had made.(Hospitals have people for that)
Last week, there was much press coverage (as there always is of anything President Obama does, pronounces, or emits) of the Fly Assassination that occurred during an interview.Goofy PETA weighed in on how truly precious is the life of the house fly.Buddhists are mad at him, as he might have slain someone who had been reincarnated as a fly, and who was trying to work his way up to wasp in the next life.The Aryan Brotherhood was furious and cried racism because it turned out the fly was actually white.Yes.
I’m impressed Obama was able to kill a fly without a swatter.I never could.Huge mutant flies often come into my house through the pet door.Micky helpfully lounges there, with her head and hands hanging outside, and her rear and hind legs inside the house.No, I don’t know why.Why does she try to trip me when I’m walking up or down the stairs?She is weird.
These big flies seek ME, and hover about ME, and all of my works.This is their job.If I can kill them, I will, because they are annoying.That is MY job.We always called them “dog flies,” because of my beloved dog, Rocky.Fat as he was, Rocky chased those bird-size flies all over the house, and he could actually catch and kill them in his mouth.Try doing that, Mr. President.
Yeah, I thought all the coverage about the fly incident was silly and, as always, much ado about nothing.It was funny when after Obama killed the fly, he flashed a gang sign and declared, “Gotchu, Beeotch.Tupac!”No one had ever uttered such a thing in the Oval Office, but these are different times, and black people are always yelling “Tupac” for some reason.I don’t have to understand everything.
Here’s what impressed me about the Obama vs. Fly story.My Babymama, Maureen Dowd, wrote that after the interview was concluded, the President of the United States took a napkin and cleaned up the mess he’d made when he killed the fly.
Why’d he do that?Why would the President clean up any mess?(They have people on White House Staff for that -- lots)
Here’s hoping that President Obama learned some simple lessons about life from the nice Grandmother who raised him.When you make a mess, clean it up.Think of others.Do the next right thing.President Reagan’s Mother advised him always to “do and say the kindest thing.”He lived by that motto, and he was kind and thoughtful to everyone he encountered.
I think the simple act of cleaning up the fly tells us something about President Obama.He has great power, an Ivy League education, and the amazing ability to read from a teleprompter.He must have an unimaginable ego from all the lemmingesque hero worship, and the animal sacrifices offered every day by his acolytes in secret Obama Temples around the world.(It’s all on the internets)
Maybe somewhere he learned modesty and humility.After eight long years of dumbness and cockiness, we have ourselves a bright President.If he’ll surround himself with smart advisors (not yes men/women), listen to wise counsel, and if he’ll take a little time each day to ask allah for guidance, he might be a good President.With the exception of the “allah” part, that is how President Reagan did it.
I was watching one of my favorite nerd channels, the Military Channel, this afternoon. The program was called: "The Color of War - D-Day." It was an interesting program, as are most documentaries about the war, even if they do recycle the same footage. There isn't much fresh footage of a 65-year old event, is there?
However, someone with the venerable Life Magazine uncovered some interesting, albeit creepy color images from those happy golden days of the Third Reich (before Poland invaded Germany). They recently were published in Life, and they are available to view here:
Most of us who are history buffs, read books, or who have watched a few programs about the invasion of Normandy know the assault on Fortress Europe was an enormous risk. It was expected Allied losses would be staggering. There was nothing foregone about the outcome.
The Germans expected the landings to take place near Calais, which was closest to the English coast. Taking advantage of this perception, the Allies cheated and led the Germans to believe that George C. Scott would indeed land at the Pas de Calais. Sneakily, Allied planners actually selected Normandy, which was farther away, and would make the crossing, landing and permanent seizure of the beaches far more difficult.
To those of us who sided with the Germans because they had cooler uniforms and neato helmets, this wasn't fair. Oh well, maybe next war.
Invasion planners also faced the issue of awful weather, which was invented by the English, by the way. For about 95% of the year, even fish can't even swim in the English Channel because of rough seas. There would be no harbor, at least for awhile, through which could flow the streams of materiel for a huge army.
The Germans had years to prepare for the expected onslaught, and prepare they did with miles and miles of concrete bunkers, pill boxes, steel obstacles, barbed wire, machine guns, and anything else that could be spared from the Eastern Front, where the mean, mongoloid Russians (Patton's adjective) were.
The poor Germans.
It was serious business. Winston Churchill was particularly nervous, as he knew firsthand that even the best invasion plans do not come with any guarantee of success. The Dieppe Raid in August, 1942, was a disaster, and it was dwarfed by Operation Overlord, the largest invasion in history.
(Other than the dumb President Bush opening the borders with Mexico. Jus' sayin').
In the days before the invasion, Allied bombers bombed and strafed the coast, repeatedly and often. This was also cheating, as the Germans had already lost most of their planes and pilots, and they couldn't fight back. The purpose of these air raids was to knock out as many of the machine gun nests as possible and create "fox holes" on the beaches for cover.
Anyone who has seen "Saving Private Ryan," or talked to my friend Lyn, knows it didn't quite happen that way at Omaha Beach. The bombers missed their targets. There were very few fox or people holes and almost no cover, other than sand. There were plenty of machine guns, though. The Germans did as Germans do, and they gave our guys a chance to find cover before they fired on them.
Not really.
Now the British, French, Canadians, Polish and (I guess) Mormon troops landed at Utah, Sword, Juno, Gold Beaches. It wasn't so rough for them, and they were greeted by friendly folk wearing lederhosen and passing out Bavarian beer.
For the Americans, it sucked.
I've only touched on the risks involved with the Normandy landings, and I've done so in my usual irreverent manner. But I've visited Normandy. I've walked through the cemeteries. I've seen the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc. American Rangers somehow managed to scale the cliffs, just as some of our strategists were wondering if it might be best to cede the Omaha site and concentrate on the others.
Omaha Beach and Pointe du Hoc are among the grandest, most epic and moving places I've ever visited, other than Billings, Missouri and Billings, Oklahoma. I looked down below the cliffs at the beach, and then the channel. I wondered what it would be like to be seasick, stumbling off the LCVPs (Higgins Boats), toting a heavy pack, all the while being fired upon. I'd have called in sick or cried or something less heroic.
I asked myself, "how'd they ever do it? How'd we manage to land enough boys fast enough to finally swamp the Germans?" The answer, of course was behind me in the cemetery.
Row upon row of crosses and Stars of David. Sorry, no crescents. All those brave men who died so we could get fat and watch TV and eat Cheetohs.
General Eisenhower and his staff had every reason to be nervous about Operation Overlord. In hindsight, it was as easy and successful as a sappy John Wayne movie -- without the bad dialogue. But if it had failed, if goofy Hitler had allowed his generals to attack with the reserve Panzer divisions as Rommel pleaded, the invasion might have been repelled.
But he didn't, they couldn't, and it wasn't.
I'm getting to the point of this post. To each of the men and women involved in Operation Overlord, General Eisenhower issued a statement.
It's worth posting it all (click to enlarge):
My favorite part is the last paragraph:
"Good Luck! And let us all beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking."
I think he brought God into the plan because "luck" is so seldom adequate when one invades a continent that is defended by Germans wearing cool uniforms and sporting neato helmets. Most of us aren't that lucky in life anyway. We don't win the lottery. If we win a scratch off at Burger King, it is for something dumb we don't even want.
"Luck" doesn't protect us from machine gun nests, either -- even if the chivalrous Germans did allow plenty of time to take cover.
Toward the end of the program, the narrator began to quote from General Eisenhower's stirring statement. The words were familiar to me, and I perked up. "I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory! Good Luck!"
And that was that. End of General Eisenhower's Statement. The narrator cut the phrase about beseeching the blessing of Almighty God. No reason to do that, really, other than we wouldn't want to offend any athiest-Americans, God-haters, mohammedans, or other hyphenated members of the community who think God isn't fabulous or magical enough anymore.
When the Draculas are coming by for a visit, I know I always put away the crucifix. Life is all about not offending, isn't it.
Political correctness annoys me, even though I can't do much about it. I'm living in the wrong time, I guess. For instance, I think a town should display the Ten Commandments if it wants to. I'd like to see the Walt Disney classic, "Song of the South," but I can't do that because it isn't politically correct. It is neither shown nor sold in the United States. Reckon why?
God, who has done quite a lot for us since 1776 (if one gives Him any of the credit) , is being eased and phased out of our culture because we don't seem to need Him so much anymore. So why be cheesy and corny and Frank Capra-ish and mention Him in documentaries? General Eisenhower wrote and distributed that statement, and the troops were inspired by it. Tens of thousands of soldiers did a great deal of beseeching that morning (ask one if you can still find one) . The invasion was a success in the face of almost insurmountable odds.
Never mind that the statement is part of history. Cut, paste, edit, change and ruin those memorable words -- like editors often do with crappily written, anti-American sounding, public school history books.
No more A.D. and B.C. It's now B.C.E. and C.E.
You're out, God.
You too, Jesus.
We'll holla when we need Thee. Maybe next time muslims fly planes into our buildings, or the Martians invade earth in an awful Tom Cruise movie. Until then,
I seldom go to the movies because the film is rarely worth the price of admission. Too many people have poor manners when someone lets them out of their cages.
"White Gravy" treated me to a recent release, "Knowing," which stars Nicolas Cage (ugh), who normally ruins movies. I didn't recognize anyone else, other than a chick who was in "28 Days Later," which I don't even remember now. There were a couple of kids, some trees, a few spectacular special effects, and a group of creepy guys who looked like they escaped from "Boo Radley Land." My popcorn cost $9.00.
I agreed to see this one (as it was free) because fat Roger Ebert gave it a fat endorsement. When Ebert says it is good, it is almost always good. He and I have similar tastes in film and, apparently, food and non-working weight reduction techniques.
I don't know enough about movies to review them. I know a good movie when I see it. Kind of like the old Supreme Court standard for porn. "I know it when I see it, "said Justice (Harry) Potter Stewart. I'm sure he did. The Supreme Court never turns down porn cases, son.
"Knowing" was a great movie -- the best one I've seen since Jesus' favorite, "The Lord of the Rings."
Please don't get me started on the Canadians who sat both in front and behind me. They really do talk (loudly) all the way through movies in theatres. This is not a stereotype.
We should invade them like Poland.
I thought "Knowing" would be like a Hugh Grant flick, or maybe a Jane Austen adaptation, but no. Canadians don't usually tap those kinds of films, so to speak. Alas, the theater was crawling with them. I started to complain to the 12-year old manager of the theater, but I know from past experiences what the answer will be, "I'm sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do about Canadians. They are a peculiar species. They do what they want."
Go see "Knowing." Take a knife and stab some people if they talk loudly Or, spill a $45 jumbo-rama size cup of soda all over them. Just tell them, "Oh Snap! My bad, dawg," and all will be well.
I was not aware of this peculiar event that occurred recently. President Obama agreed to speak at Georgetown University, the nation's top Catholic school. It is run by the Jesuits, the Order that supplied the noble priest who almost succeeded in exorcising the demon right out of poor Linda Blair in "The Exorcist."
But I digress.
Get this. The White House insisted that Georgetown "cover up all religious symbols and signs while the president was on stage."
"WTF," as they say on 4Chan.
I didn't believe this when I first read it, but it is true. Check out this story.
No crosses, religious symbols, Communion items and whatnot were permitted while "Damian" Obama was in the building. My theory is the President is a muslim vampire who cannot abide the sight of a crucifix or anything that would remind him of the Baby Jesus, which would also include this symbol:
These letters represent the Name of Jesus in Greek.
Something isn't quite right about Obama, and I suspect more will be revealed. In the meantime, we can all watch "Hal Lindsey" for comfort and reassurance that all is ending as he predicted in "The Late Great Planet Earth."
Jus' sayin'. Never hatin'.
Except for talkative Canadians in movie theaters. (c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.
Seth Myers, of "Saturday Night Live" fame put it best when he recently stated on "Weekend Update," that President George W. Bush "broke the world" during his Presidency. I agree. Bush broke it into a million tiny pieces. He wrecked it in almost every way the world CAN be wrecked. President Obama, who is shaping up to be a Chocolate Jimmy Carter, has tried to sweep up the pieces and gom them back together. He is making things worse, though.
For example, I wonder what possessed President Obama to give mindlessly idiotic gifts to Queen Elizabeth II and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown?
He gave Her Majesty the Queen a ghetto blaster and some Chaka Khan CD's. I don't get it, and I cannot envision her shucking and jiving about the palace with a boom box resting her 82-year old shoulder.
I'm jus' sayin'.
Obama gave (or most likely re-gifted) Prime Minister Gordon Brown a set of DVD's that won't even play on the PAL players used in the UK. Even if they'd play over there, what made the President think Brown or anyone in England would ever want to watch "Blacula," "Shaft," and "Good Times?"
There is more.
Barack Obama bowed down before a muslim emir. No American President has ever done such a thing.
In Turkey, a greasy muslim country famous for its picturesque prisons, the President declared the United States is no longer a Christian nation. I mean that in a nice way.
People I told you this was going to happen.
I fear the worst is still to come.
Look for the President to offer those wretched somalians one of our aircraft carriers if they'll please be nice and let our ships pass unmolested. He will give nukes to North Korea and Iran if they'll please be nice and not blow up Japan or Israel.
Chocolate Jimmy Carter, son.
And...
At present, no one is employed in America. Ninety-eight percent of all homes are in foreclosure -- even those without mortgages. Kal Penn, of "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" fame, is now a senior member of White House Staff. Frrrl. I lie a lot about a great many things, but that is the troof.
The Mexicans have seized California, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, and Texas. The Canadians briefly invaded Minnesota, but they got tired and went home.
The whole world is broken. People are poor, sad, afraid, hungry, nekkid, lonely, tired, fat, wet, Wal-Mart lookin', and seething with anger at somebody.
Sauron has risen in the east.
"King of the Hill" has been cancelled by Fox.
In the midst of all this, along comes Susan Boyle, who has captured the imagination of white people everywhere. I don't mean that racist. Miss Boyle is a frumpy, but delightfully charming 47-year old spinster from Scotland. (She looks a lot like me if I were taller and in drag). She appeared on a television program, "Britain's got Talent," and belted out a showtune from Les Miserables, "I Dreamed a Dream."
YouTube, Facebook, that awful Myspace, and many other websites are packed with postings and embeds of the video. Literally tens of millions of people have watched it. It's so grotesquely sappy and cheesy, it is almost sickening, but it's still quite something to witness the courage of this lady. She has an amazing and incredible voice. She also has an amazing and incredible future, and good for her.
So take a look at this video. Neither Bush, Obama, nor even the putrid untermenchen somalians could screw this up for us. Tomorrow, some fat moron will probably shoot up some folks, but today everyone was smiling about and pulling for my girl Susan Boyle.
Today, we Americans decided to take a short break from Obamadammerung.
Note: if this link doesn't work, it simply means someone has disabled it because they are racist and a terrorist. It is worth a google search to find it posted at some other site.
R.I.P., Bonnie
(c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.
Incredibly, on April 9, 2009, KFOR, the local NBC affiliate, preempted BOTH episodes of NBC's popular program, "The Office," so its dreadful local news stars could spend the entire evening over-reporting the story about the alleged fires in Midwest City. Upon reflection, I'm not so sure KFOR didn't make up the whole thing. I know I didn't see any fires. Never mind I never go outside the house, but these things happen.
More importantly, they pledged additional peaceful and madcap gestures designed to remind people that KFOR is patently moronic, just plain goofy and, sadly, probably hates Jesus. These will include a hunger strike, vows by some to call in phony tornado sightings, and a boycott of the number four (4). Attempts to create and burn in effigy the rotund anchorman, Kevin Ogle, were unsuccessful, due to a shortage of stuffing.
Jus' sayin'.
It isn't the end of the world, though; I eventually watched both episodes (really GREAT ones, by the way) at www.nbc.com. I had to suffer through a few Toyota commercials, but I'll live.
KFOR is worse than Hitler.
(c) 2009 Randall P. Hodge, Esq. and Morningwood Enterprises, Ltd.
