BBCAmerica, Feces and GPS

Sunday, March 02, 2008

BBCAmerica, Feces, and GPS Current mood: knighted Category: Life BBCAmerica used to be one of my favorite cable channels, and I watched it more than any other. In recent months, they've changed the programming. It seems most of the programs are either cooking shows, or shows about people with unspeakably nasty homes. I don't watch the cooking shows, as the English have never been known for their food. Who eats pork and beans for breakfast? They also eat parsnips, which is the world's dumbest vegetable, and they make pies from kidneys. So did Jeffrey Dahmer. Their neighbors to the North, the Scots, eat stomachs filled with crap. So I don't need to watch programs about creative ways of preparing some of this stuff. The housecleaning shows are bizarre. First, I've never seen or imagined homes that were so filthy. Second, a common element in all of these homes is the presence of feces – human, dog, cat, or other. It cracks me up because these "Hyacinth Bucket" -type ladies inspect these homes and find and point out FECES every time, and in every home. I'm serious. It is feces for days. Second, they touch all this nasty stuff with their bare hands. I wouldn't do that in my own home without gloves and a jug of Purelle in my holster. It's the grossest program on "telly," and I wish they'd get us new shows for me to complain about. I enjoy and appreciate BBC News, though; I used to listen to it on shortwave before BBCAmerica came along. I love the English, but some of them are odd, and they nasty. The evil communist Cox Cable has still not added RFD TV to its hideous line-up. So those of us in Oklahoma City cannot watch Imus in the Morning. But as I said a few weeks ago, if you want to buy weiner pills or watch a Spanish channel, there are about 900 of those to choose from. A lot of people now have GPS. I think it stands for Global Positioning System. These devices are, I suppose, mini computers that are linked to a satellite. In turn, the satellite tells the device and you where you are, where you are going, and how to get there. The satellite is no doubt also linked to Sauron's dark tower in Mordor, as well as the National Security Agency in Washington, which is ultimately, and furreel, THE MAN. I don't want Sauron or THE MAN to know where I am. But that is what a GPS thingy will do. I like road maps, or scrawled directions written on a Post-it® note. But let me say this about that. A GPS screen is the next best thing to having a television in the car. And this – I've noticed people have and use these novelties to navigate to a location they've been to a thousand times. Since I cannot afford the real thing, maybe I'll go to AutoZone and buy a phony one. Remember in the early 90's when people stuck on fake plastic car phone antennae? Well, why not make a battery operated lit-up screen with a roads and signs painted on? Maybe a chick with a British accent telling you about feces and where to turn. I really am just a rat in a cage. I didn't sign on for this thing long term. RPH, Esq. N.V.