The Republican Primary in Florida

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Republican Primary in Florida Current mood: contemplative Category: News and Politics Tuesday, January 29th, is the Florida Presidential Primary. The Republican Primary features the two frontrunners, Mitt Romney and John McCain, for the top spot, and several others are vying for the droppings, so to speak. I've watched this race, and it is the most interesting (almost exciting, if one is truly nerdy about politics, and I am) primary season since 1976, when Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford beat on each other up until the time of the convention in Kansas City. In my opinion, Governor Huckabee peaked after Iowa. He'll get votes and delegates, but I don't think he can get the nomination. I liked the guy, and was thinking of supporting him until he took a cheap shot at Governor Romney's faith. When asked about Romney's Mormon faith, Huckabee said he didn't know much about Mormonism and then asked, "don't they believe Jesus and the devil were brothers?" Mike Huckabee doesn't know anything about Mormon theology. His "shock" was phony. Throwing Satan into the mix was as safe as using the Nazis as a villain. Some dickhead campaign aide probably wrote that line for him, and he kept it locked away in case he had a chance to use it. It isn't important what Romney or Mormons believe. They are all Christians, and that is all that matters to me. Even phonier, though, was Huckabee's slick move with the negative commercial he'd planned to run. At a press conference, he announced he wouldn't run a vicious attack ad because it was just wrong. Then he showed the ad to the press corps, billing it as an example of the sort of ad it was wrong to air. Reporters were visibly and audibly amused by the stunt. Still, Huckabee's plan, pundits have speculated, was to get the ad shown over and over in the news story – for free. Huckabee's campaign doesn't have any money. So much for Huckabee. He won Iowa, but Iowans traditionally screw up the whole process because they tend to pick a wacko or a loser. New Hampshire All Iowa did this year was gum up the works. Look who they picked: Obama and Huckabee. Both had their clocks cleaned in New Hampshire. My least favorite candidate, John McCain, won the New Hampshire primary. Then he won in South Carolina. It is possible he will win in Florida on January 29. I hope not. I fear if he does win, it will be tough to stop him. If Romney wins, they'll fight it out again on February 5, which some have dubbed "Tsunami Tuesday." That term is tacky but funny. I hope Romney wins tomorrow in Florida. I hope he beats the crap out of McCain and Huckabee. I also hope Romney will stop beginning every sentence with "frankly." That is annoying. "Frankly" is a throwaway word. When Romney begins his point with "frankly," one can rest assured he isn't going to be frank about nuthin'. He is far too programmed to say anything frank. At least he has great hair, the best suits, and lots of money. I would like to borrow $85,000.00 from him. Romney is an attractive and articulate candidate with a lot of experience in business and government. His character is impeccable. He saved the Salt Lake Olympic Games from financial ruin, and he protected the athletes and guests from the muslims (they were held only a few months after 9/11). Romney is a family man. He has what looks like about 35 kids. He hasn't been married 20 times like Guiliani, who has angry ex-wives and estranged children all over the place. Governor Romney found a bride, they married, and they've made it work. It doesn't hurt to have old fashioned character and morality in the Oval Office. Mayor Guiliani's campaign is over, barring something unforeseen in Florida. His strategy of skipping the early contests was goofy. From what I've heard, his supporters are starting to break for Romney. I hope so, because that might swing the balance against McCain, and give Romney an almost unstoppable boost going into the primaries on the 5th. I think McCain's time has passed. He is a little long in the tooth. I am always prepared to overlook this in a candidate like Ronald Reagan. John McCain is not Ronald Reagan. If McCain is nominated, he will lose worse than Senator Dole did in 1996. The Republican Party isn't nearly as strong as it was 12 years ago either. McCain isn't particularly articulate. His speech after winning the New Hampshire primary was so bad it was troubling. Dude, ever hear of preparing remarks and then sticking to them? Not a good place to ramble and mumble and mutter. He has supported and even sponsored some of the dumbest legislation in a generation. His positions on immigration are just plain wrong, which is why his campaign isn't doing better. The guy represents Arizona, which has been particularly victimized by the Mexican invasion. There are officials in Mexico who firmly believe the territory we won in the Mexican-American War (during which we beat them like a 4-year old in K-Mart) rightfully belongs to Mexico. Yeah right. If they want it back, let them come and get it. Wait, that's what they are doing. The Mexican President himself told an audience once that "where Mexicans are, that is Mexico." Cool. I don't agree. In my view, and in the view of most Americans, "where Mexicans are illegally, that is illegal." Their scheme to retake the land isn't as farfetched as one might think. It will take a little time, but it has begun, and it is alarming. I'm sick and tired of bi-lingual crap in an English speaking country. The diabolical Wal-Mart, which as we know is secretly owned by Sauron, was naturally the first outfit in Oklahoma City to pander and post signs in Spanish. I stopped in a McDonalds the other day, and no one could speak English. I'm not kidding. I had to point – just like I did in France, where they can speak English, but won't. I was the only European-American in McDonalds. People are pissed about the sucky economy, Bush's War without End, and immigration. This isn't an original thought on my part. I'm just a parrot, after all. But McCain is wrong on these three issues, and others. That is why Republicans had better not nominate him. He has been in government for about 80 years, and he has cast thousands of votes. Votes that will be researched, taken out of context and hung around his neck like a big S&M dog collar by Hilary Clinton. Speaking of, and assuming she is the nominee, Senator Clinton will beat him with her purse, throw a lamp at him, and if she gets mad enough, she might drag him out by a cannon in Ft. Marcy Park. The Clintons want "their" White House back, and they are ruthless people. I thought Bill was going to use the N-Word the other day. How funny would that be? Clearly he isn't going to shut up. And they can't seem to control him because he thinks he is the smartest man in the room. Voters are whining again about "change." McCain doesn't represent change. He just wants to be President because it is a swell job. Governor Romney can articulate his positions thematically and symbolically – like Ronald Reagan did – and this will inspire voters. He has goals. There are things he believes in, and things he'd like to do for the country. He has a proven track record in business and government. He can beat Hilary Clinton, who is Sauron's mistress, I might add. Follow the trail back to Arkansas, folks. Wal-Mart, Whitewater, the Rose Law Firm, Sauron, Morder – I could go on and on…and will. Here's hoping and predicting that Romney will beat McCain, Huckabee, and Guiliani in Florida. Above all, Mitt Romney can pronounce "nuclear." RPH, Esq. N.V. ©Randall P. Hodge, Esq. 2008