Friday, February 08, 2008
 | John McCain......... It was John McCain "who started that old crazy Asian War," which is why he was allegedly held prisoner by the North Vietnamese. Now he is back with a secret plan to eff up things worse than the Dumb President Bush. I'll provide some details when I've read up on it a little more. At the moment I don't like the guy because he is old and bald and phony. (His wife does/did like pills, though) Who to vote for? I have no idea. What choices. Some half African dude with a weird name. A fat chick who swears a lot, throws lamps, and had Sauron's Love Child. Or John McCain, who is nothing more than a butched up version of Hubert Humphrey, and who is more boring than George Schultz on Xanex. It's gonna suck to be us. |
irritated | | Dreams of Laudanum I've had this latest idiot cold for almost a week now. A chronic cough has knocked all of my internal organs loose, so they are floating about at will. I've coughed so much even my stomach, liver, or something down there hurts. Go figure. Maybe it's the 20,000 mg of Vitamin C I have taken each day that hasn't helped a bit. Or the hundreds of dollars worth of zinc based "miracle remedies" that aren't particularly miraculous. Maybe a combination has irritated or irradiated something I might need some day. Who can say what I've done to my stomach. The only thing that could thrive in my body, apparently, is a common cold virus. My stomach should, in theory, be able to absorb quickly just about any substance I send its way. Yesterday, my voice began to give out on me. I'm convinced it is Anthrax. When I try to speak, the weak and raspy sound reminds me of a band nerd who screamed too much at a football game. I had to call my law partner today, and naturally he made fun of me by mocking the hoarse vocal quality I have acquired. I'm not sure if Anthrax causes one to lose his voice, but it sounds like it might. If anyone could somehow catch the Anthrax where I work -- believe me I could catch the Anthrax where I work. There is only one cure for what ails me: opiates. Serious, New York City Goth, Edgar Allen Poe weird poem writing, freaky painting OPIATES. I've been on a kick to find the famous Victorian Era cure-all, LAUDANUM. Laudanum was an alcohol based tincture with opiates added for good measure. Get this -- nurse maids would give the stuff to infants to shut them up. (So would I) Sometimes they gave a little too much, and it shut them up permanently. People just thought it was a cure-all. In truth, after taking a lot of Laudanum, one forgot all about any other malady. Society ladies took the crap out of Laudanum. It made them look weak and pale, which was fashionable in those days. Watch closely in some Jane Austen flicks. Somebody is drinking Laudanum at some point. In another favorite movie, "From Hell," which is about Jack the Ripper, a doctor prescribes it to Johnny Depp's character (who already spent too much time in opium dens). The guy is comfortably numb throughout the whole movie. Can't find any Laudanum today, though. It isn't made anywhere in the world. Probably not even Thailand or The Netherlands. Leave it to me to become obsessed over a patent medicine that no longer exists, and that was considered "poison" even back then. Note: I have uploaded a photo of an actual period bottle of Laudanum. Sift through my photo album, and you'll find it. That's as close as I'll likely get to Laudanum. There is a possible answer, however -- get on the internet and find some weird people some place who make home versions of the stuff. Get a recipe. Make some. Get in a hurry and leave out a step or two. MY version of Laudanum is thus even more toxic and poisonous. Someone eventually finds me, nekked as Elvis, and dead as a Nazi who bit down too hard on a cyanide capsule. And thus was calmed the obsession for Laudanum. Call me a seer. RPH, Esq., N.V. ©Randall P. Hodge, Esq. 2008 |
implacable 
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