Zombies put Gravy on Everything

Monday, April 28, 2008

Zombies putting Gravy on Everything
Current mood: obsequious
Category: Life

In which I wake up in North Dakota, by Randall P. Copperfield, Esq.

I haven't seen enough of this place to describe it yet. It reminds me of a flat, Dorothy in black & white Kansas sort of place. Part of that is because it isn't really spring yet. Not much green at all. It wasn't difficult to get here. Even the chick at the United Airlines counter was friendly and helpful, albeit that is her job, but we know how that goes. Sad that we pour all over ourselves when someone simply does what she is paid to do.

I found some Starbuck's Sinatra roast at this awful Mal-Wart they have in Dickinson. Incredibly, it is like all the other diabolical Mal-Wart stores. Also, the evil of Bentonville pervades this place: every other business has been run out of town. Nothing is left but darkness. Boarded up structures that remind me of a Springsteen song from "Darkness on the Edge of Town." Zombie folks walking around like characters in a really bad zombie movie. Everyone puts gravy on everything.

But they gots some fossil fuel here, hence our interest. Landmen from Oklahoma have been coming up here for decades, surveying the place, making crop circles in the fields and whatnot.
Still, at Mal-Wart, I couldn't resist buying a bunch of crap I didn't need. I don't have a vehicle up here, but I bought a case of motor oil for a diesel truck. I also purchased (on sale, bitches) three dozen light bulbs, some fig newtons, a pack of 12 lighters, and some thong panties. There's more, but it starts getting kind of silly.

Get this. I have TWO new friends on MySpace, one is Jamie from the May Club. I just met her on Sunday. The other is Nick, who helps me do stuff I can't do for myself because I'm old and lazy or incompetent.

Richard, who helps me do stuff I can't do for myself because I'm old and lazy or incompetent, found a good home for the peein' dog, whom we never even named. It wasn't working out at our place, as the other two dogs are too old to put up with a puppy, and she was no normal puppy. She chewed up oak steps, for heaven's sake.

My new lap top is kyna coo, and it works well up here. The hotel has great internet, so I can't complain about that. Yes I can.

And one of my coolest May Club cred friends, Chester, sent me a text message out of the blue. Made my day…that and finding some Starbuck's coffee…and the planes not crashing.
I will miss my swell friends who would not normally mix with me.

But in three weeks I'll be off for a whole week. Then I'm going home to OKC, I'm gonna lay up, get on crack, and watch the sh*t out of DVDs.

It is time for me to try and get some sleep now. Nothing mean to say about Obama tonight, other than he is a phony big eared mean wife havin' muslim training camp goin' dawg head. McCain is worse when it comes to phoniness, but at least he doesn't lie about being a muslim. I read today McCain went negative against poor Obama. Said a lot of hurtful things about him. According to Obama, the semi-black candidate, this is all "racism." And McCain mooched a plane off his rich wife's beer company. Nice. No conflict there, "Mr. Straight Talk."

I wish I could vote for…ANYONE else. What crappy choices. If McCain doesn't put someone (a conservative) with some smarts, youth, honesty, ethics, and credibility, on his ticket, I'm going to vote for Hillary or any third party candidate on the ballot. I will not under any circumstance vote for Obama. I believe Hillary is going to beat him. I do. She'd be better than Obama. (but the judges that woman would appoint…)

Obama's idiot "preacher" was smearing the airwaves with his vitriol today. Like to made me puke (again). Sure loves the limelight does Pastor Wright. How dare he say that stuff about America; never mind it is sort of true.

Nope, nuffin mean to say tonight. I'm just happy, joyous and free. My sponsor is looking after me. We're going to get through the big book as fast as Wesley Snipes filed his income tax returns. Idiot. Oh, and Tom called to check on me.

And don't forget I found the Starbuck's Sumatra.

Coming to you live from North DaKelly,
RPH, Esq., N.V.

©Randall P. Hodge, Esq., and Morningwood Enterprises, Inc.