Crunk and Konichiwa

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Crunk and Konichiwa Current mood: angsty Category: Life Recently I noticed the word "crunk," as a status or mood word on MySpace. Having spent the past ten years trying to swim down to the wreck of the Titanic, I have lost out on a lot. In particular, I missed such television programs as "Malcolm in the Middle," "The Office (NBC), and "Chappelle's Show." Lots of pop culture there. As I finally discover some of the stuff in reruns and on DVD, I am wont to pick up some of the phrases made popular and worn out years ago. For example, when I approach a group of friends, I greet them with, "morning, bitches." When I leave, it is the (apparently tiresome), "konichiwa, bitches." I call my good friend and lodger, Nick, "Darkness." There are other "Chappelle's Show" expressions that aren't appropriate for this forum. During this period of discovery, I also found online the "Urban Dictionary." Urban Dictionary It is from this source I learned the meaning of the word "crunk." I quote verbatim from one of the contributors to the site: "A cliched and overused hiphop term that has been beat to death more than "Bling-Bling" and "Shizzle". It means to get crazy and drunk. The term lost it's "cool" factor like two years ago, but that doesn't stop wiggers and wanna be gangstas from using the term as much as possible. "Crunk came into its own as the recognized sound of the new generation of Dirty South Rap, prompting white college fratboys everywhere to wander around going "WHHHUT!! OKAAY!! YEEEAAHHH!!" like annoying dipshits. and it's all thanks to Lil Jon, and by Lil Jon I mean Dave Chappelle." I am deeply hurt by the realization that I am no longer even the least bit cool. Nothing I say or do is hip any more. I have long feared this day, and now that know it actually hit with me about ten years ago, I don't know what to do. I am very happy that I haven't been "crunk" for almost ten months. The words and phrases I am using to "fit in" are about as slick as the "Beavis and Butthead" sayings I finally surrendered in the year 2000. These things – these realizations – happen to old people, of which I am most certainly one. There is nothing to do about this problem. I must avoid even THINKING these formally cool sayings and expressions, particularly when I am around people who were born after I graduated from law school in 1990. How can people be so young? The same way I can be so old, that's how. I remember life before the fax machine. We worshipped the first Xerox machine in town, as we thought it could steal our souls. But in the privacy of my den, where I spend about 22 hours a day watching television, I can reflect on what I missed while I was making my way down to the wreck of the Titanic. And I can watch the shows over and over and enjoy the humor. I just don't dare try and be hip, slick and cool around America's young people; I ain't. Kids will laugh at me, and they won't be polite about it. I know this because my friends and I made awful sport of "old people" trying to act OUR age when we were young. They were corny; we were cool. I am now corny. And I didn't make it to the wreck of the Titanic. As Dave Chappelle said in one sketch, "I'm just a nigga that love titties." Konichiwa, bitches. RPH, Esq. N.V. ©Randall P. Hodge, Esq. 2008