Digressions from Morningwood: Gin Blossoms, Bush, Obama & Bush

Gin Blossoms, Bush, Obama & Bush
Current mood: understimulated
Category: News and Politics

People like me, who are at least 30 years too old to be lurking about on MySpace, can "friend up" with famous people. My goal is to befriend all these people and still avoid the nuisance of a restraining order. My first celebrity friend on MySpace was the "Gin Blossoms," that great band out of Tempe, Arizona. They are still around, touring and recording good stuff.

I bragged to a friend of mine that my new best friends, the "Gin Blossoms" had added me as a friend. Since we were now so tight, it would probably be a good idea for me to visit the Blossoms in Tempe, where we could hang out and pretend it was 1993 again. My friend shared with me that it was unlikely that any members of the band actually log on to MySpace. "They have devoted fans or nuts like you manage their website," he said.

Thank you for your views.

I don't believe that for a minute. These people are my new best friends. The Gin Blossoms, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Foo Fighters, Lifehouse, Nick Swardson and Dirt Nasty have my back.

The Gin Blossoms were really big around 1993. This was before President Bush allowed America to become a virtual colony of Mexico, and before he managed to steer our country into a gigantic sand bar. Oh, and he never learned to pronounce nuclear. Or heed advice from people who actually know things. Once at a press conference, he proudly used a big word: plethora. Unfortunately, he pronounced it pluh-THOR-a, instead of pl--th'?r-?. I was embarrassed for him. I called my friend Lyn in Washington, and said, "tell me there is an alternate pronunciation for plethora. Is it ever pronounced pluh-THOR-a?" "Nope," he said. "I don't even have to look that one up."

I've made the same kind of mistake. When I was in college I mispronounced "interim." I thought it was in-TARE-um." A smart friend corrected me, and she did it politely – so I would learn and not be an idiot some day in a press conference. So here's my plan for avoiding this kind of thing. If I'm not absolutely sure, I don't use the word. I'm no expert on grammar, as was my dear friend Lyn, so I tend to write and speak colloquially. If I make a glaring error and I don't realize it, perhaps the reader will assume it was on purpose. Or, the reader will conclude I am an idiot.

Anyway, Bush has all but destroyed the country. Other than that he has been fine. I still love the smart President Bush, 41. History will be good to that guy; he need not be concerned about his "legacy," and he isn't.

All we hear about today is "change." We know "change" is hot because Mitt Romney is all about it now.

I'm not ready to jump on the bandwagon of someone like Barack Obama, who thinks he could be allah's messenger of change. I can't imagine life under President Obama. He would likely make Kenya the 51^st state, which would be fine, but I don't think they have any oil to speak of. What would we get out of that deal, some gazelles?

Our road signs would be in English, Spanish and arabic. He would appoint judges who would chip away at our rights and freedoms for decades to come. Judges who'd order us to do a bunch of really awful crap like pay higher taxes, or marry farm animals. In my opinion, appointing Federal Judges is the most important thing a President can do, other than restoring the monarchy we enjoyed before the Revolutionary War.

Believe me, there are plenty of Jerry Garcia-lookin' lawyers out there, and they'd make perfect judges for a liberal democrat president. Think about that before you vote for a liberal, and the democrats are going to serve us a liberal. That much we know.

Obama is a bit of a smartass, and that showed in one of the debates before the New Hampshire Primary. Did you hear him snidely comment, "you're likeable enough, Hilary." Bit of a sneer here, and some pissiness there, especially when he said "Hilary." A friend was watching the debate with me. He said, "what a dick!" When you cause an audience to almost like Hilary Clinton, the meanest and phoniest woman in America, you've messed up.

Obama doesn't know jack about foreign policy. He'd probably be a lot like Carter -- naïve, but without the "Europeanness." If a nut like Mahmud Ahmadinejad stirred up trouble, and he will, Obama would probably offer him an aircraft carrier to back off. But at least Obama could pronounce the words. And, Obama is a genuine African American -- half of him anyway.

I'm not sure who I will support. But it won't be Obama. He has a dumb name, for one thing. He may be a member of a trippy church in Chicago, but I bet he'd install a minaret at the White House. We don't need anything more to encourage our muslamic friends…not when Washington, D.C. is located just across the river from Northern Virginiastan.

We can also credit President Bush with the influx of thousands of anti-American muslims, many of whom are up to no good. We've spent trillions to make war, but very little to bar the entry of those who despise our Western Civilization. The Bush Family has some kind of sicko saudi fetish. I don't get it, but I swear I once saw President Bush and Prince Bandar together in a nekked titty bar called The Tea Bag. It had to be them. If the saudis want something, we fork it over. If the saudis need a war, we go. Yep, the saudis have the goods on the Bushes.

Enough of this. The "Bush" I do like, for which my new best friend, Gavin Rossdale, was lead singer, is playing on XM radio. I'm going back to the 90's again, and I'm not listening to car commercials, because it is XM. We're all going hang out in Tempe, because my friends have my back, remember.

I miss Lyn. I could always ask him things like how to pronounce plethora.